Hi my lovelies!

One thing I've loved doing over my pregnancy so far is discovering other mums' accounts of their experiences - every lunchtime I've searched for pregnancy updates, compared my bump to theirs, read umpteen birth stories (and scared myself silly in the process), and I find every single post absolutely compelling. I'm a woman obsessed! Apologies if you don't share this fascination - you might want to skip this post if pregnancy isn't your cup of tea (and I completely understand if it isn't!), but I've been documenting little parts of my journey so far and thought it might be nice to share with those of you who are interested!

So my first trimester was not absolute plain sailing. I know it's a tricky time for most mums to be but I think I literally got every single symptom going - if it was in the book, it happened to me!

It started for me with extreme bloating - unlike anything I've experienced before. I went shopping for new jeans with my bestie and felt I looked pregnant in everything - my stomach was just oddly distended and I had to buy trousers in a size up, which at the time was devastating as I'd been trying hard to monitor my diet and increase my walking. I put it down to my period being due, as I'd been monitoring my cycle for nearly a year to see if it attained some semblance of regularity following my PCOS diagnosis. So when it was a couple of days late, I didn't immediately jump to pregnancy conclusions. I did however experience terrible cramps and stomach pains, and started to worry as these were quite unusual without a period making an appearance. I also started crying at everything (this has persisted until now...)

Once I'd done multiple pregnancy tests and confirmed I was actually 5 weeks pregnant and not just the size of a small killer whale, I started to feel a bit better about my odd new body habits! I almost instantly became quite picky with food, sticking to lots of toast and craving smoked salmon at least once a day. I was also permanently exhausted - as a chronic fatigue sufferer this was not unusual, but it got to the point where I almost fell asleep at work because the tiredness was so extreme. Turns out my thyroid is acting up, which hasn't helped at all, so my fatigue is still ongoing... at least I'm prepared for being a parent?!

Around week 6 my nausea started - it was mainly motion sickness on the train at first, but soon escalated to being sick in the evenings and some mornings. I actually reduced my dinners and made sure to have larger lunches for a while because I just couldn't stomach food in the evenings. Anti-sickness wristbands improved my commute, as well as a healthy amount of mints and ginger nut biscuits. My manager at work kindly let me work from home for a few days to avoid the commute, which meant I could rest as well - this really helped. But nausea has been such a pain, I sometimes even make myself feel sick just thinking about food!

Between week 8 and week 10 I completely went off fatty foods as they made me feel so sick, and couldn't eat a grilled chicken burger at Byron because it just tasted wrong. I literally only wanted to eat cereal for ages, and at one point refused to eat anything but avocado and pasta for dinner - so healthy!! I tried to incorporate as much fruit and veg as I could bear to eat but really struggled to have a balanced diet thanks to the sickness. Thankfully baby didn't seem affected by this as he/she was measuring perfectly average at the 12 week scan, so I can only surmise that copious amounts of Weetabix helped somehow!

My skin has also been absolutely dreadful. I've got quite spot-prone skin anyway, but I'd reduced my dairy intake over the summer which had helped. Once I found out I was pregnant I stopped having soy and tried to eat more yoghurt on a daily basis, but mostly I think my skin just erupted thanks to hormones. I had to repurchase Estée Lauder Double Wear to try and conceal the red bumps everywhere, and it was so painful! Introducing a strict skincare routine has helped a little, but it's just a waiting game until the hormones level out a bit I think.

I also suffered from numerous aches and pains around my body, in particular my lower back after walking more than usual, and I had to start wearing a soft bra to bed as I just couldn't get comfortable. A wheat heat pad worked wonders here and I'm researching pregnancy pillows too as I want to get as much as sleep as possible over the next few months...

Reading back over this it does sound a bit negative, so I'd like to stress that while it's not been the easiest time, it hasn't been impossible at all, and we're so happy and grateful to be experiencing this! I honestly thought for a long time that we would struggle to conceive, more than we did - and I'm forever thankful to my body that it has managed to produce a healthy pregnancy thus far, because I had convinced myself it was something I could never achieve. I'm not going to linger too long on this because compared to many couples out there, our "struggles" were formed mostly of fear and a very disinterested doctor's diagnosis, and I would just like to acknowledge how lucky we are to have reached this stage.

That said, I'm looking forward to the supposed surge in energy during the second trimester, and the fabled pregnancy "glow" - come to mumma (although I'm 18 weeks now and it still hasn't appeared...ahem!) I'm also looking into very gentle exercise routines to limber up my unused muscles, so if you have any recommendations please do let me know!

Love Dani
xoxo

Hello all my lovelies!

Today has been the first day of "normal" life after a glorious holiday period of sleeping, eating, and rediscovering Pokémon on my sister's old 2DS. We finished off 2016 with a delicious Christmas at Jon's parents', a chilled out New Year's Eve with my family, and plenty of food in between. I'm so grateful that my appetite finally made a reappearance in time for Christmas dinner, although I'm still struggling with portion sizes!





We kicked off New Year's Day with a wonderful walk in the frozen woods near my Luxembourg home. My dog Molly had an absolute blast, despite increasing arthritis now she's hit retirement age, and it was so worth all my pregnant huffing and puffing to see her bounding gleefully through the forest and exploring the Roman ruins. I took about a hundred photos as I'm not sure when we will next see snow here!

Next we were very lucky to see our darling obstetrician on Monday, who came in on his day off to see us and reassure us that our baby is doing well. I'm currently approaching 18 weeks of pregnancy and beginning to feel little swooshes and flutters - no surprise as our little one is measuring slightly above average, so I'm very pleased to see my lack of food intake hasn't had an effect! I'm feeling so optimistic about late spring this year, as we're awaiting my niece's arrival in May, followed by our little squidge in June and I can't wait to meet them both!



So. 2016 was a bit of a topsy-turvy year, wasn't it? I've never felt so pleased to wave goodbye to an old year before. Sure, there were scattered highlights - my bestie's gorgeous wedding, some lovely weeks off work, trips with friends, and of course, our delightful baby surprise - but on the whole it's been tough both on a general and personal level. I'm really hopeful that 2017 will be an improvement and that we will learn from 2016's mistakes, and I'm trying hard to put all sorts of things into place to make it the best year ever. With that in mind, here are some little goals I've set myself, although I won't beat myself up if we don't achieve everything here. 2016 has taught me to take life as it comes and as long as I have my wonderful husband and my excellent family and friends, I'm sure we can manage somehow!

2017 goals

~ a happy, healthy pregnancy, with a happy, healthy baby! It's no surprise that this should be my main objective for 2017. I just want to do the best job I possibly can - it's more than a little scary, but I also can't wait to be a mum. I hope I make our child proud!

~ develop my photography! This is frequently on my list of goals, but 2017 starts with two paid photography jobs - something that always seemed out of my reach! I'll be shooting my first newborn and a couple of family/baby shoots too, which I'm so excited about. I love being able to provide people with images that will make them happy. It's a bit stressful because I desperately want to do a good job, but I'm also feeling so lucky to have these opportunities and hope I'll be able to develop further when on maternity leave, especially as I'll have my own little model to practise on ;)

~ start learning to drive! This is long, long overdue, but as Jon should (touch wood) pass his test in the early months of 2017, it's about time I started my own journey towards driving too. I've always found excuses not to do it but I really think it's important for me to achieve this as soon as possible now. Eek!

~ change our living situation! We're very fortunate to own our little flat, but little is the operative word here - it's crammed full with our possessions (six bookcases!!) and I just don't see how it will work for a little one when they're on the move. We always said it would be a temporary residence so maybe 2017 will be the year to move into our own house. Imagine!

~ keep up my reading - I almost managed to read 50 books in 2016 (although I'm very behind on my reading round-ups!) and I'd like to try and beat that in 2017... it's unlikely with a little one, but I love losing myself in a book so much, I have to make time to do it more often. I'm currently reading The Light Between Oceans and I've got The Essex Serpent lined up afterwards. Let me know if you have any recommendations!

Here's to 2017 and I hope it's a wonderful year for all of you!
Much love,
Dani xoxo

If you've read my previous post on visiting York, it will come as no surprise that this gorgeous city ranks very highly on my list of favourite places in the UK. It's like a larger, fancier version of my beloved Canterbury, and as a bonus is also currently home to my youngest sister while she finishes her degree! So when my uni besties and I were planning a pre-Christmas meet up, York felt like the perfect place to visit for some festive cheer.

We drove up early on Saturday morning amidst the mist and fog, at times feeling as though we were driving through clouds! I took such joy in spotting each and every sign for "the North" - it tickles me for some reason (probably Game of Thrones related). We arrived in York right in time for lunch!





Unbeknownst to us, we'd chosen possibly the busiest weekend to visit - the city centre was heaving while we pushed our way through the Christmas market and perused restaurants for somewhere to eat! We made sure to book a restaurant and the York Cocoa House for Saturday evening dessert (their hot chocolates are what dreams are made of) before retiring to our delightful Airbnb for the night. We stayed just outside the city, surrounded by crisp frosty fields, in the cosiest home we could possibly have found. It was the most charming Victorian house, with a luxury bathroom (the heated floor was very welcome after freezing temperatures!) and to top it all off, the hosts cooked us a marvellous full English the next morning. The cherry on top was their gorgeous springer spaniel Colby, who graciously allowed Stephie and I to give him lots of goodbye cuddles. I would absolutely recommend John and Branwen's home for anyone looking for somewhere luxurious and affordable to stay near York. This is not an ad - we all just really adored their hospitality!





On Sunday, after stuffing ourselves with our delicious cooked breakfast, we attempted to walk it off by roaming around the Museum Gardens, down the Shambles and back up to the city walls, peering into divinely sculpted back gardens and dreaming of owning one of the enormous houses clustered behind the Minster. After a quick bite to eat at Olivia's Café, and a quick detour to the Yorkshire Soap Company to stock up on candles (their Whitby Bay and Cashmere & Cocoa candles are utterly gorgeous, and they have 15% off until 31st January!), we said our goodbyes and started the long journey home.












I didn't think it was possible to fall more in love with York, but I did - it's such a beautiful, vibrant city, with the dreamiest buildings. I definitely want to head back before my sister graduates next year and before I get too big to clamber up the steps to my beloved Gatehouse Coffee...

Oh hi, remember me?

I've been more absent than usual recently and you might have noticed me moaning about being poorly on various social media channels (and goodness, have I whinged!). Well, the thing is, I've had an extremely good reason for all of this.

To be accurate, it's a super cute, bouncy, avocado-sized, baby-shaped reason!




It's the most wonderful surprise we could ever have hoped for. I've not spoken about it much, but for the last couple of years, after experiencing various health issues and talking to some fantastically tactless doctors (cheers y'all) I always thought pregnancy would be something beyond my reach.

When I was eighteen and undergoing cancer treatment I remember the doctors advising that radiation could cause infertility - fine, I said, I need to get better - and I wouldn't change my decision in hindsight because really, who would? It was only a decade later, married with a husband who always dreamed of his own family, that I started to ponder whether my body could actually provide the children he so badly wanted. And then came that lovely NHS specialist who shrugged at me, told me I had polycystic ovaries and an underactive thyroid on top of everything else, and basically sent me on my way empty-handed. I'm probably over-dramatising this in my head but that day I became utterly convinced I'd struggle to conceive. I built a plan in my head, a couple of years to save for treatments, I changed my diet, I watched everyone else around me fall pregnant and I wondered if I'd always be the odd one out.

And then.

One day in October, I cried at an advert on TV (the Lloyds TSB one, where the horse runs in slow-motion through people's lives... I KNOW.) and I thought that was very unlike me, it takes absolute devastation to get me to cry. I put it down to impending PMT.

And then despite having days of cramps, my period had yet to make an appearance. Lateness was not unfamiliar, but the cramps? They were something else. I had stomach pains that were so bad, I had to get off a train on the way to work and just cry on a bench for a bit.

Then one day I cried while reading the news the following morning (although in fairness, the news is bloody depressing). I'm really not a big crier, so it started to set off little question marks in my head. My manager at work and my friend both started asking me questions, saying could it maybe, could you be...?

And then.

And then.

Well, I bought three tests. And I had to google the first one because it was the cheapest one in Boots and I couldn't remember if that faint line had been there before. But the two digital ones that followed were absolutely unmistakable. The impossible had happened. Somewhere deep within me, a baby was coming to life.

It felt quite unreal at first, to think there is a little person developing in my tummy - it's still sinking in now. We had our 12 week scan at the end of November and I have never been so relieved in my life - thankfully baby was measuring fine and appearing healthy, despite bouncing all over the place and making it hard to get a clear picture at first.



So here we are, and we're absolutely over the moon! Our little bub is due June 2017 and I am so impatient to get the next six months over with so we can meet him or her! I'm so happy to be able to finally share this with everyone - I'm the worst at keeping secrets and surprises, so the last two months have basically consisted of me sitting on my hands and trying not to blurt it out in an Instagram caption. It's been SO hard not to shout it from the rooftops! Now I'm so excited to share the ins and outs of my journey with you, while hopefully still staying true to my usual blog content - becoming a mum might be super fun but I promise to still be my usual grumpy self underneath ;)

Lots of love,

Dani xoxo

The festive season seemed to sneak up on me this year - overnight the red cups popped out and Christmas lights were switched on, but my own festive feelings had yet to catch up with the rest of the world.

Until Saturday just gone, when together with my mother-in-law and bestie, we wrapped ourselves up and set off in search of a magical workshop to rival Santa's!

Lily & May are an award-winning florist - just check out their fabulous instagram - who happen to run all sorts of wonderful classes in Essex, just up the road from me! Tucked away in between quietly winding roads and whispering trees, Claire and Jo welcomed six of us to their cabin to create some festive wreaths.

I was a bit nervous going in as my own DIY skills never amounted to much - as a child I used to make advent wreaths with my granny, pinching foliage from the neighbours and liberally sticking it into an oasis ring, but that was the extent of my experience - so when Claire handed us each a simple brass ring I couldn't for the life of me visualise how I was meant to turn it into a gorgeous, elaborate wreath! But we were shown how to wrap moss around the ring, padding it out with spruce (which smelled so Christmassy!), then adding a whole host of decorative flourishes to make each wreath truly personalised and perfect.






And I have to say, I'm quite proud of my gold-themed creation! I chose to add some spiky leaves (I forget the name of the tree...), with ferns dotted around the outside to give it a wild, natural look; then I added (real!) gold apples, pine cones, rosehip, cinnamon to make it smell gorgeous, and finished it off with some sparkly ribbon. You can spray it with glitter as well, or add in your own decorations at any time.







The workshop was such a lovely experience - we spent 3 hours working on our wreaths, lights twinkling around us, Christmas music playing in the background, and a much-welcomed break for tea and cake halfway through! We left feeling so festive and happy with our creations - despite not having a proper front door to put mine on (I live in a flat and these wreaths are just too heavy to hang on an adhesive hook) I've placed it above my balcony door where it adds the perfect Christmassy touch to our living room.

The whole thing cost £55 but you can reuse the moss wreath - just remove your decorations and let it dry out somewhere warm, then spritz with water when you're ready to create a new wreath - perfect! Lily & May do spring workshops too - I actually think these would be brilliant for a birthday or a hen party with a twist, as the classes are so much fun and quite relaxing!

Love Dani
xoxo

Yesterday I let some of my thoughts on recent political events tumble out my head and on to this blog. As always, it felt cathartic but also I felt as though I was merely skimming the surface of everything that doesn't quite sit right with me now the world has tilted a different way.

Over the last couple of days I've been so grateful to see other bloggers tackling the topic of Trump's impending presidency, and as always they've done so with grace and the kind of eloquence I can only admire.

I rounded a couple of my favourites up for Twitter earlier today, but Twitter moves so quickly and in my haste I also forgot to tag the writers involved. So to keep a record of their thoughts, and to share them with you, here are some of my most-admired reads of the last week.

1 - Lauren at Britton Loves - CHANGE
2 - Emma Gannon - MESSY THOUGHTS ABOUT A MESSY ELECTION
3 - Stephanie DJL - HOW TO CHANGE THE WORLD
4 - Thoroughly Modern Millennial - WHAT COMES NEXT
5 - Rhyme & Ribbons - TRYING TO MAKE SENSE OF THIS ELECTION
6 - Lumiere & Lens - AFTER THE ELECTION
7 - Fleur's Makeup Box - TODAY AND THE US ELECTIONS
8 - Tapeparade - PRESIDENT TRUMP, BREXIT & ISOLATION

If you've come across any must-reads, please share!

Or if you've had it up to here with the state of the world and need something to lift your spirits (assuming the John Lewis advert has failed you), the following posts might help. Jemma reminds us of a whopping 43 happy things, Rosie has written a beautiful and heartfelt post on motherhood, and Lima brings light to the world through the medium of highlighter.

Much love to you all,

Dani xoxo

Another week, another shockwave rippling through what's left of 2016.

I don't think many people outside the US expected Trump to take the presidency on Tuesday night, but here we are. I know I certainly didn't. I also know none of my friends or social media circle expected it.

And therein lies the problem, I think.

We live in little bubbles, safe havens constructed by carefully curated social media feeds. This became increasingly obvious following Brexit, where I was not the only person utterly flummoxed as to how Leave triumphed, when 90% of the people I engaged with on a daily basis were firmly pro-Remain. It's happened again in the US election and I've read countless posts from people who just didn't see it coming, because they're not exposed to "the other side".

How are we supposed to see the other side? It's easy to dismiss them as racist bigots, but in doing so aren't we perpetuating this sense of "the other" - the same way they like to blame groups or minorities for all ills in the world?

I grew up in a fairly liberally-minded family - we were encouraged to think for ourselves and form our own opinions. As a mixed-race child it never occurred to me to judge anyone by their skin colour; surrounded by women to look up to, I never felt the need to degrade other women based on their gender or looks. I was raised a Catholic but we were taught to accept other religions as equals, and when I think back to the decade I spent going to church the biggest lesson I took away from that was to treat people the way you'd like to be treated - i.e with respect, kindness and compassion.

I'm not religious anymore, but I think that message still stands.

Look, I'm not perfect and will never claim to be. I can be selfish, blind, stupid and prejudiced all at once. I know I can be a snob and I know that I can view the world from a relatively privileged position, and not understand why other people don't think the way I do. That's how I've lived for the past 28 years.

I think it's time to change. It's naive to think "why can't we just all get along?" but I do wonder if maybe we need to communicate more. I'd actually like to engage with people who hold opposing views, I'd like to hear where people come from and why they see the world the way they do. I want to understand their viewpoint. I can't promise I will agree, because my core values are to accept people as they are without discrimination based on faith, sexuality, race or any of the other defining qualities that seem to arouse such hatred throughout the world. This is how I try to live my life. But I'm aware that fear and uncertainty can breed all manner of unpleasant opinions, and unfortunately, for the moment it feels like they are gaining momentum across the world.

It's hard to figure out where we go from here. I personally think more governments should be held accountable for creating a sense of division, and our politicians need to show more willingness to work alongside one another. People of influence will continue to speak out against issues they disagree with, but what about us regular people? All we can do really is try to understand one another, and try to respect one another. The world might feel particularly dark this week but as Barack Obama said, the sun will keep rising, day after day - and people will continue to do good in spite of what the polls might tell you. In the 24 hours that have passed since the US vote, I've witnessed a man donating the coat off his back to Wrap Up London. I saw a woman run across a busy road to give a homeless man some food. I've seen hundreds of people online, sending messages of love and compassion. Let's keep a positive momentum going, and see where it takes us.