6 lovely people had something to say
  1. [Part one of two possibly three]

    Hi my name is Jon and I believe I get a few mentions on here.

    Firstly I would like to start of by saying that 16 blog posts in a year is not actually that bad, it is 363 days since my last blogpost. This is mostly due to my becoming disenchanted with football, strike that, footballers. I still love the game, I still have my season ticket at Charlton and go every other weekend with my dad, but I cannot stand the attitudes that have become part and parcel with the game. But this is not why I have come here today (I'm not sure I have been here before, I blame the pink).

    This evening, after a big day out at bluewater (seriously, I was dragged into Dorothy Perkins again, I barely escaped with my life) Dani wrote a post on her blog. Usually she does this and leaves it up to all of you to read, but tonight she asked me to read it and I am glad she did.

    Lets start off with the thing about me taking pictures as I am sure it will all spiral out of control from there. Yes I do get bored of taking pictures, this is a general thing, but with regards to Dani it is much more specific. I think she looks perfect in every picture, the ones where I take them out of focus, the weird angles, the ones where I get everything wrong, etc, etc.

    I get frustrated.

    Dani deletes them all, not because of my "special effects" but because she doesn't like herself in them.

    She says this about her looks wrong, why did she do that, where did those come from...

    I look at the picture and see the prettiest, most perfect girl in the world, Dani looks at it and well... I don't know what she sees.

    She deletes them all. (I have taken to doing rapid fire pictures now, if there are hundreds before she gets the camera back she is liable to get bored before she can delete them all)

    And so the spiralling begins...

    The tummy thing. What is this? Many nights I lay there and ponder:

    "why does she think she has a tummy?"
    "Has she bought a house of horrors mirror?"
    "If her non-existant tummy is a tummy does that mean I am a sumo wrestler? All these years I have been on the wrong career path!"

    (right about now I am wondering if there is a character limit on comments, I must remember to copy this into notepad just in case!)

    My only explanation for the "tummy", she bends forward to look at it. I challenge each and every one of you now to bend forward and look at your stomach, all of a sudden you have... where is the quote... "roughly eight tummy rolls in there too." But this isn't what Dani sees. She sees herself through whatever is the opposite of rose tinted glasses.

    The next level of the spiral.

    The shorts and the legs. I don't know why but Dani doesn't like her legs. It has taken 4 years and a trip to Disney in Florida to make Dani realise that it is ok for her to go out in shorts. I like her in shorts. Especially the ones she wore today, tight jean shorts... I better stop there, her sisters read this.

    I know Dani has self esteem issues, she won't admit it, wouldn't is maybe a better word, the legs were one thing, the tip of the iceberg. I hoped that if I could help her break that vicious cycle she would then start to gain the self esteem she should have.

    I think we are all guilty of that, believing the worst of ourselves, except maybe the worst of us. Those who put others down because they think they are the most beautiful, and yet maybe that is their way of dealing with their own insecurities, not that it makes it any better.

  2. [Part two of two not three]

    And another spiral.

    Somewhere up there Dani mentioned her arms, she refers to them as bingo wings... The only way my simple mind can contemplate this is that Dani has never seen real bingo wings. I also hate that phrase.

    She has lovely arms, to me they are wonderful, they're there to hug me when I need them. They're strong enough to help me carry the shopping back from Sainsbury's (8 bags is my limit, especially when there are potatoes and bottles of ribena, I won't use the "granny trolley"). But most importantly, in terms of this blog, they look beautiful in all dresses, tops, cardigans, cheesy christmas jumpers, everything basically. I want Dani to see this.

    I want Dani to see the face I see when I wake up next to her.

    I want her to see the way she lights up every room.

    I want her to see the beauty of the fire behind her eyes when I annoy her.

    I want her to see the way all clothes burst into life when she puts them on. (seriously Dan, if you get this far through my post, my Charlton shirt has never looked so good as when you where it... Next birthday, or Christmas... preferably tomorrow...)

    I want her to see the millions of things I notice everyday, the things that make me get up in the morning and look forward to coming home at night. The million new things I notice every day. The sparkle that brings me so much joy and if I did not have it tomorrow, my world would be incomplete.

    Mostly, I just want her to see how perfect she is to me. It's a long hard battle, I know her self esteem will improve because I want her to be as happy as possible and I am as stubborn as hell when I want to be.

    I will leave you with a quote from a pair of great philosophers, the Aristotle and Socrates of our day as it were. Liam and Noel Gallagher. (as I don't remember which one wrote this song)

    "True perfection has to be imperfect. I know that that sounds foolish but it's true."

    To each person this probably means something different. But to me... Everyone, no matter who they are, will find something they don't like about themselves. Hair, nose, arms, something. But it is these little imperfections that will make you perfect for someone else, and that person is out there. You just have to find them.

    Having self esteem isn't about being perfect, it is about being happy and confident with who you are. One day I know Dani will be happy, I hope each and every one of you will also be happy.

    And now a little anecdote on perfection.

    I don't like feet.

    Don't ask me why, I can't give you an answer, it's just something about them. Will I get over this... Probably not, but I am ok with that.

    Today Dani told me she doesn't like feet, we where on the High Speed train from Ebbsfleet. It is little things like this that make her perfect for me.

    It is little things like this that show me.

    Out of seven billion people.

    That one perfect person.

    That one perfect girl. (Sorry Sabine Lisicki, Gemma Arterton, Hannah Cockroft, etc)

    Is Dani.

    PS - On the camera thing Dan, if you stop deleting my favourite pictures I may be more reasonable with taking photos. You know the ones I mean. Where I focus in on... Oh yeah, your sisters read this...

    1. As if I needed any more evidence that you are the perfect one for me :) thank you always xxxxx

  3. This is pretty much the most perfect monologue comment I've ever read. Go Jon :)

    Dani, I think you're right about the idea that blogging can encourage a censorship of life that can be harmful. I think its important to remember that no matter how perfect someone looks in a photo, we are all real people with real things we feel awkward or uncomfortable about in our appearance. I think you are bold to raise this issue and it was a really well written piece.


    1. Thank you for reading Martha :) I really do think it's an issue these days, not just in blogging but extends to Facebook and other social media as well - there's this unattainable ideal everyone strives to reach and in the striving we forget what is really important! I think I'm going to try and make this more of an "honest" blog, maybe not quite warts-and-all but certainly more everyday :) xx

  4. As a photographer I think everyone has a little something special about them, to make aesthetically pleasing photos for a "girl" blog it's all about having the right-
    a) knowledge
    b) angle
    c) material props
    and some are more lucky with this than others. The bigger the blog the more oppourtunities you get dropped in your lap too (from prs, events, etc).

    Also, I think you're beautiful. There's something that shines out from your photos that happens in photos I take of my best friend.

    I try not to give a fuck about what people think of what I look like. This hasn't been the case for long but I've realised it's not worth the hassle worrying.


Thank you so much! xx